No relationship is perfect; even the strongest couples will have to deal with storms at some point. There are moments when it seems like the walls are closing in, voices are getting louder, and even the smallest spark might start a huge argument. Learning how to handle stress in a polite way might help you get closer to people, whether it’s snoring, binge-watching, or dealing with family. The secret isn’t to never argue; it’s to learn how to deal with those arguments when they happen. Having compassion is important, and couples therapy can sometimes assist. Let’s put an end to the myth: real partners fight. It’s normal. Find out more information here!
These are some facts. Research from the Gottman Institute shows that 69% of relationship problems never get a permanent “solution.” That number isn’t as scary as it sounds; it only shows that all couples have the same problems: housework, money, values, or the news station. It’s not an argument-free relationship that makes love last; it’s having the tools to deal with disagreements properly. The real difficulties aren’t fighting; they’re allowing anger, avoidance, or disdain take over.
“It’s okay to fight; it’s not okay to hurt,” stated a therapist who had been doing it for a long time. When everyone feels heard and appreciated, those angry times don’t last as long or hurt as much.
It’s not about “winning,” but about facing problems together. Take a break and listen. Be interested in what your partner has to say. Even if you think you’re right, try to ask questions. Instead of saying “You always…” say “I get frustrated when…” and trade harsh words for soft ones. It looks like a small change, but the results might be big.
When you’re both exhausted or worried, don’t hash out big issues. Midnight fights almost never end well. Stop for a moment, take a break, and then think about the problem again after you’ve calmed down. Humor may be very strong. Laughing together can ease stress and remind you why you’re together in the first place.
Keep in mind that your relationship goals don’t have to be big. Sometimes just agreeing to have dinner together without any tech or saving for a future trip can bring you closer. These common goals help tie your relationship’s tale together and keep you focused on what you’re trying to achieve.
So when things get heated or you reach a tough patch, take a moment to think, “What are we trying to build together?” Couples therapy is an excellent place to talk about that. Joint goals are more than simply a way to stay together; they are the North Star that will help you go forward, no matter how rough the seas get.